Harriet Marwood is a respected and well-published NYC-based Disciplinarian and Spankologist. She focuses on spanking life coaching and related methods to help individuals achieve their stated goals. In 2012, Ms. Marwood published a series of articles in Wellred Weekly on spanking life coaching. With her permission, we present the first of those pieces here and will soon post the second part.
A Spanking Life Coach
by Harriet Marwood
I was chatting with a client of mine one evening a long while ago, and he started rambling on about the current popularity of “Life Coaching”. He suggested that with my “motivational talents” and my background in NLP and other psychologically based models I should offer a special curriculum for those who want to put some aspect of their life in better order. I pondered why I hadn’t thought of it myself? Then I realized: I had. I have been a spanking life coach for over ten years. I just never put a label on it.
When I accidentally stumbled into my vocation as a Domestic Disciplinarian many years ago I made a commitment to myself that I would engage with each person as the unique individual he or she is. Consequently, I became versed in many styles and approaches to discipline. As those people came to me, one at a time, we’d talk about their needs and desires and together we’d create the type of adventure we’d have together. Some wanted to play the role of a naughty child to my adult authority figure, being taken to task for some school infraction or household mischief. Some wanted to re-live a childhood memory. Many invented completely unique fantasies from which I got to make discoveries of my own. And some needed no pretense to be bent over my lap or my saddle rack and thrashed soundly with hand, paddle, strap, cane, or what-have-you. Just for the joy or pain of it. Or both.
But many people, male and female alike, came to me because (a) they were already spanking enthusiasts, and (b) they knew the motivational (and therapeutic) value of a good old-fashioned walloping on the bare behind! They wanted help tackling real life issues in self-organization or self-discipline that they had tried mightily to conquer on their own, too many times for them count, but could never seem to master. I sat with them for a long time while they talked and searched and groped for yet another bit of insight to crack the code of this problem. As they spoke I started watching their patterns unravel and demonstrate the limiting and self-sabotaging behaviors that brought forth the same unconscious, repetitious obstacles that foiled every plan that was earnestly made. I knew how to help. And these brave souls wanted help. At their request, we collaborated on a viable game plan of incremental goal-setting with the intention of conquering some over-arching problem over time. We mutually agreed on the steps of the plan and the appropriate interval of evaluation and supervision. And they each knew, that at the end of every interval they had to report to me, in person, and based on their results, receive a spanking of greater or lesser degree.
For some people, all it takes is knowing they’re accountable to someone else to get them to shape up. On their own they will default to habits of excuses and procrastination. But if they have to confess their progress to an authority figure, they can no longer hide behind those things. These are people who can and do get things done. Busy people who usually take on more than they should and, once committed, end up losing track of all the balls they’re juggling. When I work with such people, people who are accustomed to planning and taking action, they understand exactly what to do. They also understand what it feels like to endure the business end of a hairbrush, strap or paddle. Since they are accustomed to working a plan, this painful threat sets them in motion and generally they don’t require any interim supervision. We set up appropriate intervals for incremental evaluation. They report back each week, or every two weeks or once a month and prove their progress (or lack thereof). If they have fallen short, a good sound dose of the strap or cane seems to effectively get them back on track. It’s rare that this type of person falls into entropy.
Then there are the people who, bless their hearts, sincerely want to alter their behavior toward a more productive, satisfying course, but are just not naturally geared that way like the first type. They may be inclined to second guess themselves a lot, causing stress, which after a point, causes them to revert to avoidance via procrastination or distractions. They may be the type who over-think and over complicate everything, thus creating plans that overwhelm them before they even get a chance to start. That is a recipe for destruction. And distraction! These people benefit from an authority figure that breaks down their goals into simple, digestible incremental chunks. And then of course they have to execute those simple tasks… or else.
Some people are just not terribly self-motivated. They are pleasure-or comfort-seekers who will opt for the path of least resistance rather than for what they perceive as something difficult or time-consuming or challenging… even though once they tackle it they realize it’s not nearly as hard or unpleasant as they projected it to be. This is the type of person who usually requires a lot of interim oversight. I will frequently need to “stalk” such types – meaning that I will call, text or email them at random… just when they’re starting to think: Hey, no one will know if I skip this task. Or… It won’t really matter if I put off doing the set-up for this next project… etc., etc. Having to keep focused and make an accounting of their progress helps keep the fire burning under their feet. I also remind them of how much they dislike the consequences of not completing their assignments when they report me in the near future. Keeping our connection ever-present seems to be key to helping them take themselves and their plan seriously. The good news is that, over time, and with my often stinging “incentives” encouraging them to do well, they actually develop new, more productive habits that empower themselves to move forward without me.
But even when someone is self-motivated, and generally responsible and productive, anyone can fall prey to outside influences. For example, when people go on a vacation, it can prove difficult to resume their good habits, especially if they have not been rooted in them for very long. Also, a life change, such as a new job, a divorce, meeting a new love interest, etc., can throw a monkey-wrench into the works. That is why having a stern disciplinary consultant looking over their shoulder can be so invaluable. My coaching clients know that when their positive results start declining, they have someone who will not only call this to account, but will work with them to root out the reasons and devise mutually agreed upon steps to set things back on track. Nothing falls through the cracks or gets too far off track for very long. Once progress starts to veer too far off the rails, that is when resignation sets in and people start to revert to the path of least resistance. Anyone who’s ever been relatively fit and then starts putting on weight can relate to this. If you take the bull by the horns when the extra 5 or 8 pounds show up, you have far more motivation and more confidence to set things right. If you wait until you have to try and lose 30 or 40 pounds, you feel defeated before you start. I make sure that no one is allowed to reach this sad state of affairs.